Living in the Flow

The Flow

What does living in “The Flow” mean? I suppose there are as many answers to this as there are stars in the sky, but for the sake of this post I will do my best to define it with a few relevant matches. I tend to follow the work of Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi who has done a tremendous amount of research on being in the flow (or zone). He identifies nine factors or charactreristics of being in the flow:

1.  Clear goals (expectations and rules are discernible and goals are attainable and align appropriately with one’s skill set and abilities). Moreover, the challenge level and skill level should both be high.

   I think often people forget the challenge level and skill level should be high -  Tom
   

2. Concentrating and focusing, a high degree of concentration on a limited field of attention (a person engaged in the activity will have the opportunity to focus and to delve deeply into it).

   Can Concentrating and focusing be learned? I’ll talk about this more in upcoming posts. – Tom
   

3. A loss of the feeling of self-consciousness, the merging of action and awareness.

   To me, this is one of the most fascinating aspects. It seems like when we are in the flow that we don’t even have to try. -Tom
   

4. Distorted sense of time, one’s subjective experience of time is altered.
5. Direct and immediate feedback (successes and failures in the course of the activity are apparent, so that behavior can be adjusted as needed).
6.  Balance between ability level and challenge (the activity is neither too easy nor too difficult).

   I find this very true for myself. Too difficult is frustrating; to easy is boring. – Tom
   

7. A sense of personal control over the situation or activity.
8. The activity is intrinsically rewarding, so there is an effortlessness of action.

   The reward factor is something that gives that feeling of internal gratification, hence “The Flow.” -Tom
   

9. People become absorbed in their activity, and focus of awareness is narrowed down to the activity itself, action awareness merging.

   When we become one with the activity, it is the most awesome aspect of flow as far as I’m concerned. Totally effortless, totally free. -Tom

Not all of the nine factors are needed for flow to be experienced.

I’ll be doing several upcoming post delving further into each of the nine factors of the flow.

Tom Troughton
Clearing Techniques – Clearing Your  Mental Roadblocks

Enjoying the “Now”

In the past year, I’ve read much about living in the “present moment” or “the now.”  It first started when I read Eckhart Tolle’s books:

• A New Earth – Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose
• The Power of Now
• Stillness Speaks

The books have a lot of good information and I even became quite fanatical about living in “The Now.” I’m sure I drove a few of my closest friend’s crazy with the new concepts I was trying to emerge myself in. I still commonly use several of the techniques on a daily basis.

One of the main benefits I derived from the practices that I learned is a simple reminder that I use when I create goals. I know Eckhart is just one of the many masters through history that has suggested the following technique. I imagine this simple secret has been know for thousands of years and has been used by many. It is simple, very simple and therefore, many will dismiss the immense joy it can create:

The process is to make both the past and the future relative to the NOW.  To me, living in the Now doesn’t mean not having goals and dreams. It means to enjoy your goals and dreams right now!  It took me quite some time to really understand what this meant and how to do it. Now, when I set a goal or dream, I do still have a desired outcome.  Then, I think briefly of the steps of how to achieve the goal.  Then….

I think about the step I can do right this moment! I make sure it is a step that I can enjoy right NOW.  I know that many would say this is totally against the conventional wisdom and normal ways to achieve a goal. The normal ways involve thinking mainly about the desired outcome. I have found that if I am enjoying the particular step or process that I am living right now, that not only do I achieve my desired outcome quicker, I actually live with joy during the entire journey. After all, the journey part of life is where we spend the majority of our time. Shouldn’t we enjoy it?

Have a Happy Journey!
Tom Troughton
http://www.BeClearToday.com

Goals – Anxiety or Harmony?

Goals

I have used many goal setting techniques through the years and have noticed many of them seem to create much more anxiety than harmony.

Isn’t a goal suppose to help make our life better?

Nature Relieves Stress

Another thing I have noticed is that the “end result” or better said the lack of the end result is what causes the anxiety.

Recently, I have had the opportunity to set goals in a different way from the methods I used in the past. Using this technique has made my life feel very harmonious!

I have discoverd that many goal setting processes are just a recipe for stress and worry.

I have discovered that a couple of little changes in most of the popular goal setting processes actually make the processes, that were previously miserable to me, enjoyable.

Steps to happier goal setting.

• When making a  goal, do not make the end result the most important aspect of the goal.
• Make the actions steps the most enjoyable to you. Make sure you actually enjoy the journey. If you enjoy the action steps, then you already have the essense of the “end result.”

That’s it. You were probably expecting much more, but using these 2 steps is all it took.

Set goals, but make sure the ”journey part” is enjoyable and makes you happy.

Tom Troughton
http://www.BeClearToday.com

Goal Setting, Happiness and Springtime!

Tom Troughton

With the onset of Spring, It is a great time to feel the newness and creativity in everything we do and everywhere we go!

People are getting out more and enjoying the beautiful weather. The flowers are blooming and the trees are filling in with brilliant shades of green.

I believe we are naturally inclined to start doing more this time of year. It amazes me why so many people do their goal setting in January. 

I have decided that the Sping is the obvious time for me!

My Spring / Summer time resolution list.

• Be happy in the things I choose to do
• Enjoy the beauty of nature everday. It is an awesome teacher
• Be kind to myself and the people closest to me
• Do not worry about finishing every project today. You will never get it all done
• Enjoy the Journey more than the acquiring of the finished goal

Looking at my above list, I realize my biggest goal is to to be happy! Being in a state of happiness sure makes all the other obstacles in life much easier to deal with. I’ve written in the past that happiness is mainly a choice, not something that just happens. Reminding myself about this  is a beautiful way to start every day.

May you choose happiness,
Tom Troughton
http://www.BeClearToday.com

Belonging and Daring To Think Differently

I had a conversation this morning with Tom Troughton, owner of this blog, about the concept of belonging. We were discussing what it means to feel that one belongs. Tom commented that belonging is one of the fundamental needs as a human being. He reflected on how sometimes we can walk into a person’s home and immediately feel loved and accepted, as a result of the warmth, presence and commitment of the host, to make us feel welcome. At other times this feeling just isn’t there when we enter a person’s home. I became curious as to what we as  individuals do, and the attitudes we have and the thoughts that we think, to foster a feeling of whether or not we belong.

I believe that having a fundamental trust  that, “As a human being I have a right to be here on this planet and that therefore I belong,” is necessary. If this trust and belief is not present, a sense of belonging is challenging to develop. There are ways to develop a sense of belonging. Finding something to commit to, whether that be another person, your family, a church, or social cause, is a way to feel more connected and to develop a sense of purpose and belongingness.

I do not believe that belonging requires “sameness” or being just like those around you. Conformity is not a prerequisite to having a sense of belongingness. In fact, some of people who have dared to think differently and have stepped outside of the box have been and are an important part of history. It is through their unique contributions that they clearly belong and are important.

Being an individual who thinks original thoughts and dares to step outside of the “norm” requires courage. This often brings us face to face with a fear that if we express our thoughts that are different and somewhat radical, those who love us will rejected us. This is a challenge we face as individuals. As one of my spiritual teachers said, “Learn to live in the world, but not of it.” While this can be looked at from a materialistic versus spiritual perspective, I chose to think of it as “Live and interact with those around you, but don’t don’t forget to dare and think your own and unique thoughts.”

Here is a great video that was sent to me. It highlights some of the fascinating, powerful individuals who have dared to think differently, and stepped outside of the box, yet are an important part of the growth of humanity as a whole. Enjoy.

Think Different Video from YouTube

Deborah Barnett, Ph.D.

www.DeborahBarnett.com

www.http://www.weightlossforwellbeing.com/w1.html?BCT

Living in a State of Loyalty

The Concept of Loyalty almost seems like a foreign idea in today’s society.  I believe Loyalty is as rare as a “field of diamonds. ” What our ancestors assumed to be a normal part of their daily life is now mostly consumed by our fast pace society and it  is as unlikely to be experienced,  unless you make a conscious effort to bring it into your life.

What is Loyalty? I think a good definition would be  an honest devotion to a person or thing. A true faithfulness to a cause. Not just when it feels good, but as a way of life. Living with commitment to the people,  things and choices we choose to have in our lives.

humpback-whale

I recently had to make a major decision on whether to be loyal or to take an easier way out. The easier way out was a decision that would have been considered both,  honest and ethical, but after scrutinizing the situation it would have ,  by no means, been considered  loyal.  I could have easily rationalized the decision and said to myself  “this is both honest and ethical, so it must be o.k.. The benefits seem to be appealing in some ways!” Fortunately, I had recently read something about sticking to your virtues when you are facing decisions that would test the very best of humankind.

This approach involves introspection of yourself through a series of questions concerning “quality virtues.”

Here are the questions I ask myself when I need to make these decisions. Decisions that are made on a daily basis as well as the really  ”tough ones that pop-up occasionally.”

• Am I being Loyal to the person involved? Or the business decision?
• Am I being totally Honest?
• Am I living from Integrity?
• Am I living from a state of love?
• Am I coming from a state of kindness?

I have found that if I can make the decision based on the answer to these questions, then I am making a decision based on real virtues. It’s not always easy, but it is the “right way to live.” It’s a way of living that let’s me continue to grow day by day.

Tom Troughton
Mental Clearing Techniques
http://www.BeClearToday.com

Relieving Stress

Relieving Stress

I recently read a post about a childhood love. It was about Jelly Bean the horse.  In the story, ”Jelly Bean” was a Welsh Pony and was loved more dearly than any physical possesion could ever be loved.  I was quite stressed when I began to read the article, but continuued only because it was written by a dear friend. As I fell further and further into the story, I noticed my stress level go down to a zero level.

I had considered learning more about the causes of stress and potential ways to relieve  stress. I asked myself  “why did this beautiful story relieve the  stress in my life so quickly?” I found a few reasons I’d like to pass along.

Nature Relieves Stress

• Whatever you focus upon determines your stress level. When I changed my focus from the worrisome things on  my mind to the joy story my stress level disappeared.
• Nature relieve stress. I realized the story reminded  me about the times I use to go horseback riding when I was a young boy of about ten years of age.  It reminded me of my connection with nature and how loved to be outside in nature.
• Animals Relieve Stress. The story of Jelly Bean reminded me of my love of horses and all the good times I had riding my own horses. A horse can be a best friend, “ya know?”
• When you are stressed,  if you have a hobby or anything that distracts you from the stressing thought, it can be a catalyst for moving beyond the stress and even possibly into happiness.
• Relieve Stress by reading a good book  or article; or watching a good movie. Give you mind something to replace the worrisome thoughts.

 In summary, when we focus on the things we want, instead of focusing on our worries, it reduces the stress and increases our level of happiness.

Tom Troughton
www.BeClearToday.com
“Clearing the mental blocks on Your Road to Success”

Enhance Your Relationship in 4 Easy Ways

Our relationship with our spouse or partner is one of the most valuable gifts that we have in our life. When we consider our partner not being present, it is almost unimaginable. However, sometimes our primary relationship is not easy. As a result, often our relationship does not receive the nurturing and acknowledgement that it deserves and needs in order to grow and flourish.

Following are 4 easy ways to enhance your relationship:

1. Take time to listen to your partner each day. It is amazing at how often our partner is speaking and we are not really listening, but instead thinking about what we are going to say next. Taking even 5 minutes a day to listen to your partner and giving him or her your undivided attention can make your partner feel heard and acknowledged. It is especially important for women to be able to talk for 5 minutes a day, uninterrupted by their husband or boyfriend. Dr. John Gray has found that when this happens, when the woman talks and the man does not feel that he needs to do anything or fix her in any way, it raises the “feel good” hormones of serotonin in the woman and dopamine in the man.

2. Make an effort not to make assumptions about your partner. This is not easy to do, especially when you have been with someone for a while. However, to keep communication open and to keep love flowing, this is essential. For example, if your husband picks up your child from soccer practice, thank him for making this effort instead of assuming that he knows you are grateful. If you normally go to your in-laws for Christmas, make sure that this is discussed far in advance and not assumed. Discussing plans in advance can often prevent misunderstandings and resentment from occurring.

3. Make sure your partner knows that he or she is loved – everyday! Different people receive love in different ways. Discuss this with your partner so that you each know what makes the other feel loved. If your husband loves to be hugged, make sure that you give him a few big, loving hugs everyday. When you say, “I love you” to your girlfriend, give these words your full attention and make sure they are filled with warmth.

4. Set aside activities to do together. So often people can be married and yet because their lives are so busy, they rarely see each other much less do any activities together. With a little creativity you can do activities together to enrich and enliven your relationship. Some activities include taking an art class together, exercising together, or making a date and having lunch together.

A relationship needs to be tended and cultivated in order to keep it vital and enriched. It is all too easy to take our relationship with our partner for granted, especially when life is very busy with other responsibilities calling for our attention. However, with love and dedication to your relationship with continue to deepen and thrive.

Deborah Barnett, Ph.D.

www.ManifestingWellBeing.com

www.DeborahBarnett.com

3 Steps to a loving Relationship

Relationships can go through stress and tests during the holiday season.  If you are married or if you are spending the holidays together, your relationship can have many challenges that aren’t part of your normal daily routines. Some of these include:

• Interacting with out of town family.
• Money, Money, Money.
• Time, Time, Time.

By taking care of these three areas of your life, you are leaving room for your relationship to flourish. You will have less stress and will feel more at ease with everyone.

1. When interacting with family, both your family and your mate’s family,  it can be a challenge to try to keep everyone happy.  I have found that for myself it is better to try to be peaceful than to try to make everyone happy. Surprisingly, the lack of trying so hard to create happiness for others does just that; it creates more happiness!
2. “Money and relationships” is a tough one for me. Sometimes, I relate the ability to give gifts with that of showing my love for my mate and my family.  In the past, I have gone way over budget and created problems for myself,  as well as my family. This year I did much better. I still gave gifts, but I kept it in moderation.  Guess what? I’m still loved If you have overspent, don’t beat yourself up, adjust the budget and get those credit cards paid off. If the debt is unbearable, get some credit counseling. One suggested resources  is http://nfcc.org/ 
3. Time is another element that can drive you crazy during the holidays. YOU can’t do it all. Don’t even try. No one has more time in a day than anyone else. There are only 24 hours in a day. Even Bill Gates has no more time than you do. I don’t know Bill  Gates personally, but I would imagine that he has quite a few people wanting to take his time.  Would you guess…hmm maybe thousands and thousands? How does he have time to even eat?  Here is how. He has to choose who gets his time. He has to choose what events get his time and the very same holds true for you and me. If you are feeling a time crunch, it’s only because of the choices you have made.  Remember, you can’t do everything, so you need to choose carefully.

By taking the time to remember these three steps to a loving relationship during the holiday season and upcoming New Year, you can definitely make things go smoother.

Happy Holidays,

 Tom Troughton
www.BeClearToday.com
“Clearing the mental blocks on Your Road to Success”

Creating Happiness! – 3 Steps

Is Happiness a Choice -100% of the time?

Not only is it possible, it is pretty obvious when you consider that there are people that have every reason to be happy and yet they are still miserable. They have big homes, money, nice cars and good health and yet they are still not happy. Do you Ever wonder why this is so?

Then, on the other side of life is someone who is broke, has no car, awful health and for some reason this person is happy.  Now I’m not trying to say you need to broke to be happy. The point I’m trying to make is that even though some people have every reason in the world to be unhappy, there is something within them keeps them happy.

Most people will not fit into either of the above scenarios. They will be somewhere in the middle in most area of their lives, and that includes their happiness. I’m sure that there are rich happy people who are very happy and I’m also sure that there are miserable poor people. So, the situations in ones live, don’t seem to be the variable that makes one happy or makes one unhappy.

So what makes people happy? Is it possible that happiness is only a choice? I believe this is true.  It may not be 100% choice, but it most certainly is weighted in that direction. Certain conditions can be conducive to being happy, but ultimately it is still our choice whether or not to be happy. So let’s choose happiness!

Now that we have chosen happiness, what is next? Learn what makes the “choice of happiness” easier in your life and cultivate these methods to support your choice.

3 Ways to Cultivate Happiness in your life:

1. 1. Look for reasons to be happy.  Stop watching bad news. Stop listening to negative people. Find something that is joyful and focus on the positive.  Whatever you let yourself think about is often the reason you choose happiness or not. Learn to guide your thoughts toward events that will make happiness an easier choice.
2. Cultivate the habit of being grateful for the way things are right now. When you are thankful, it’s only natural to be happy. Being thankful for the little things is often the first step to living in a happier and more  joyful manner. Take five minutes every day and write down the things you are grateful for.
3. Act like children. Do you remember how easy it was to be happy when you were a child? Let yourself become engrossed in playing a game, singing, or watching the clouds roll by. Live with the fascination of a child.

Choose Happiness!

 Tom Troughton
www.BeClearToday.com
“Clearing the mental blocks on Your Road to Success”